Dear me

Wednesday, August 07, 2019

Dear me,

You have been traveling extensively since you took up this new position and you know that you are currently studying master so you will definitely be having some tough time. You know you are ready to put yourself in high stress with new pressure new hope new expectation from people around you, and you have to sacrifice time.

You have been in the same situation in the past where you thought you can handle those while in fact, you were not as fit as you think you can be. You seek for supports internally.

Everything was better before you hurt your back - you tried to not thinking about it - you appreciate people around who care about you and you tried to do something to see if it will become better. Well even after 30 mins of 5 laps swim you already felt it was not right. Then you realized you are weak and it is demotivating, or even depressing. You stopped looking into the mirror. It had been quite some time... still trying to accept that only certain things are within your capability. 

It is dangerous to see how these changes affecting life and I could not put all these into words. It is hard to express and I believe time will tell.

Been rushing and diving into the reality of the world until the fifth time I traveled - slowed down the pace and stayed in a 5 stars hotel in India, served with great food and treated with great courtesy, ALONE. It was so scary to think that a human living life of luxury with no one to share. Love keeps us going isn't. A simple meal with people that I love and out for adventures with least belongings are sufficient. Holding hands till old and stay together through thick and thin... "How good it is to have you with me." Flight from Delhi returning to KUL was bad due to the weather. People are positive but still, there were whispers of prayers to God. I recalled my life motto "Live each day as if it was your last"... shall keep reminding myself about this.

Dear me, everything will be alright.

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