Came to the realization...

Friday, October 25, 2019


Came to the realization that kinda last minute jobs are not good for my mental health since I tend to stress out myself too much and then shit happens like crashing mind. Have been locking myself up in my room pretty much for a couple of days in one of a month this year but I'm back now living life fully, doing some reflection and figuring out my boundaries, my core values, who I'm in my private moment and who I'm in public, what I really like on a good day and bad day, what I like and what I dislike... Most importantly is how well do I actually know my body? My breathing, my current abilities, my limits of balance and flexibility? I only started to think about them after visiting a TCM doctor who gives me reminders. It can be awkward to have someone whom you just knew for days and you've been treated well, whether sincere or not sincere but why should I judge the good intention?

Shoutout to my very supportive family and friends who have been feeding me with good foods and reminding to sleep earlier in between because sometimes I forget to eat and reluctant to sleep which are shit habits... and also listening to all my rubbish thoughts due to overloading. Encouragement is all I needed.

I'm so thankful that now someone new is joining the team to support at work and she must be lucky because she doesn't have to go through a period where she got to be on her own. :'D I know that was the toughest time but I also know I learned the most the hardest way. If I couldn't change the situation I just gonna change the way I see things.
Not forgetting the precious friendships earned during weekend classes because those unlimited conversations we had were really more important than the long hours' lectures.

It took me some time to get back to a routine, and it's been almost a year since I got injured when the postures were wrong and I hurt my back, but I've finally regained positiveness by merely accepting my capabilities. The mental block was paralyzing... anyway time heals all wounds.

Counting down 2 months till 2019 ends...
A year where I flew the most - Singapore (3 times), Taiwan, Australia, Belgium, India (Mumbai - Delhi - Haryana - Chandigarh - Ludhiana)... I'm looking forward to the upcoming one. I did not have a chance for leisure travel except for Belgium, can't wait for a real relaxing escape againn!
A year where I watched the most movies because I have too much time in flight and I can't sleep well sitting. I really enjoyed The Mule, The Book Thief, The Greatest Showman, Dumplin, A Star is Born, Les Miserable.
It is a year with limited time to spend with family, friends, loved ones, and hobbies. Gonna compensate for this! Definitely a year with many turns and twists, hatred, anger, disappointment, feeling of unappreciation, sadness, letting them go is healthy and also to remind me to find joy and happiness every single day because life is short.
A year where I learned really a lot so keep learning and growing.

Seeing grandparents very soon over the weekend and I can't wait for homecooked food. I miss having own kitchen own bathroom own designed space own bookshelves and a bigger wardrobe and shoes rack! #ineedspace. Before I end this post I gonna thank my little sister. For whatever shits.

"Why do you want to live in a beautiful state?
- to be happy without depending on others
- to be able to love without asking for more in return
- to be able to bring happiness no matter what I do where I go"

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