Self-love: Love is not enough.

Monday, September 07, 2020


Love is not enough. We can love someone yet constantly hurt them. We can love someone yet be aware that our own needs and fears are being projected onto the person.

Love is not enough because in order to truly love others, we have to truly be happy with ourselves. Our relationship with ourselves impacts every single relationship we have with people we care about.

When we don't have a healthy relationship with ourselves, we often need love more than we can give love. And the more we need love, the more we tend to sacrifice for the people we love.

But sacrifice is not a noble act, because when we are really honest with ourselves, we will see that we sacrifice to feed our own need to feel significant, to feel like we are a good, lovable person. 

I'm putting you before me, so I'm good mother, I'm a good wife, I'm a good father, I'm a good husband.

And this is why sacrifices always result in some sort of expectation, which leads to discontentment and unhappiness within a family.

We think that we are sacrificing because we love someone, but in reality, we're doing it for ourselves. Because I need you to need me.

Parents love their children, but whenever love is coloured by need, that love becomes much less meaningful. This is why parents and children can love each other yet have a resentful or difficult relationship.

If we don't identify our own needs and fears, we will project them upon the people we love, and we won't even realize this. We cannot see what we cannot see.

This is why we can be so unhappy in our relationship yet keep insisting we love the person. We can love our partner, but if we don't understand ourselves, then we will have a hard time truly loving someone.

This is why we can love our partner and family, yet have so much anger and resentment and judgment towards them.

What is the meaning of love, if it's not towards building amazing relationships with the people we love?

To truly love, we have to first build a healthy relationship with ourselves, so that the people we love can truly be happy with us, always.

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